The Dumbest Sports Writer in America

Bob Sansevere. You are dumb. So very dumb.

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"If I'm the Twins' general manager, here's what I do. (And I'd do it under duress because I'd be working for a cheapskate owner.) I get on the horn with Boston Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein and say, "You want Johan Santana, right?"
Epstein likely will say, "Right."
Then I say, "Tell you what. I'll trade you Santana and Carlos Silva and Joe Nathan."
Then I wait for Epstein to pick the phone up off the floor, and I say, "I don't really want to part with Santana or Nathan, but my owner is a cheapskate and won't pay what it will take to sign them long term. So, you give me center fielder Jacoby Ellsbury, second baseman Dustin Pedroia, closer Jonathan Papelbon, starters Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz, and we've got a deal."
Presumably, Epstein will balk at giving up all that, so I'd tell him I need to get off the phone so I can call the Yankees. He'd come around because getting Santana and Nathan, particularly Santana, pretty much would ensure the Red Sox of several more trips to the World Series. And with that offense backing him up, Silva would help, too.
Meantime, the Twins significantly reduce their payroll, making owner Carl Pohlad giddy, and they get one of the game's best young center fielders (Ellsbury), the game's best young closer (Papelbon), a terrific young second baseman (Pedroia) and two promising young pitchers (Lester and Buchholz).
I have just one question: What's Twins general manager Bill Smith waiting for? He should have this deal done by now."

WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. I certainly picked the wrong profession. I think I might move to the Twin Cities and demand a job as a sportswriter, based on my zero credentials, because if this guy can keep his job, I could be the best sportswriter ever in Minny.

First off, if the Sox aren't willing to trade Ellsbury, Lester & Buchholz for Santana, why would they throw in Papelbon & Pedroia for Nathan & Silva? This guy obviously thinks that since the Sox are a big market club, they'll just pay whatever to have a good team - which isn't the case, since they can afford a bunch of expensive players because they are also able to have around a dozen younger players that, frankly, they can pork on salary. I mean, those 5 don't even combine to make as much as JD Drew makes in a month.

Second, this guy thinks very little of Theo Epstein (who's constructed 2 WS Champs in 5 years on the job, although Dan Duquette certainly deserves a never-credited assist). Epstein probably will not trade Buchholz & Lester for Santana, and I certainly believe Ellsbury is untouchable, so the part where Theo "picks the phone off the floor" is just ridiculous.

Third, Carlos Silva is a freaking FREE AGENT dumbass! Is this a sign-and-trade deal? Are we suddenly talking about an NBA trade?

Finally, my favorite part is the end: "What's GM Bill Smith waiting for? He should have this deal done by now." What a dope! What a dolt! I cannot believe he thinks that Epstein would actually go for this garbage. I'm beside myself with confusion that this guy wrote it and his editor allow it to print.

Seriously, I could keep going but I can't rationally think anymore, because Bob Sansevere has taken me to a new place of ignorance & stupidity that I never knew existed.

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