Wimbledon is the sacred hallowed stomping ground of the worlds elite tennis players (like Martina Hingis). It’s also the world’s most deadliest place…….
to be a pigeon.
This week a number of pigeons gathered to witness the historical event that is Wimbledon to only be mercilessly shot down from their humble perches. The result has lead to an outcry of animal supporter’s world wide.
The Wimbledon spokesmen were quick to blame hawks, which were employed to guard the ground. They said, "But unfortunately there were one or two areas where the hawks didn't deter the pigeons, so it was deemed necessary to take a harder approach." These “harder” approaches consisted of hiring marksmen to take the free loading pigeons out. They used soft darts at first to avoid blood splatter, but the years of tough city living made most of the pigeons impervious to this form of attack.
The next attempt was a bit more successful…
The fallout from the attack aroused the most staunch of bird supporters.
PETA vice president Bruce Friedrich (AKA Harvey Birdman) squaked,"Since the use of marksmen to kill pigeons appears to have been carried out as a first, rather than a last, resort and not out of a concern for public health but rather because the animals were deemed inconvenient by players, you appear to be in clear violation of the law."
This wasn’t the first time a bird was injured during a spectator sport, maybe you recall the Big Unit blasting a heater into a bird…
We can only hope Wimbledon and others have learned from the atrocities that were committed, and that from here on out we can treat our feathered brethren as equal spectators in all further sporting events.
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