The Ultimate Evil

Conspiracy theory 101: If it isn’t completely whacko it isn’t a real conspiracy.
So let’s discuss the theory that Scott Boras has diabolically plotted the downfall of the Yankees.

What we know about Boras. He was a former top prospect in the minors, who after sustaining a knee injury was forced to retire from professional sports. He then made it his mission to ensure baseball players would not be chewed up and spit out by the owners like he was. How could his hatred of ownership manifest itself over the years? Why in none other than George Steinbrenner and his gloried Yankee franchise.

Recent events between Hank Steinbrenner (the evil spawn of George as far as Scott is concerned) and Boras have left a sour taste in the mouth of many Yankees fans and perhaps created a poison that is slowly infiltrating the entire Yankee clubhouse. He announces A-Rod’s decision to opt out during the deciding game of the World Series, much to the chagrin of many Red Sox fans, but wasn’t it a bigger blow to Yankee followers? Not only did they learn their best offensive player was ditching them after he promised to win championships, but he did it while their rival was securing a championship of their own.

Then just as A-Rod has become vilified in New York he slowly creeps his way back into the lineup like nothing happened. Well nothing except his alienation from millions of fans. Boras got the money he wanted, A-Rod and the Yankees got what they wanted, but Boras made sure A-Rod wasn’t returning as the MVP, but as a high salaried player with a lot to prove, which in NY can turn ugly fast.

This is a current event and has yet to be played out…let’s look at Boras’ previous attempt to foul the Yankees. His first foray into the Yankee Universe came in the form of Bernie Williams’ seven year $87.5 million dollar deal, or what I refer to as the “Wolf in Sheeps Clothing” ploy. Using a valued member of the Yankee clubhouse, Boras was able to gain the good graces of the Yankees, much like Donnie Brasco with Lefty, and infiltrate the organization. This allowed him easy access to Yankees brass. He’s been linked to numerous members of the Steinbrenner Tampa Think Tank, and it is believed through these connections he summarily drugged Steinbrenner and even possibly spiked Torre’s ritual in game tea. The results lead to the declining health of “The Boss” as well as Torre’s memory collapse, which is the reason he continuously ran the same relievers out there every night until their arms fell off.

Still the Yankees were known as winners and even more backhanded ploys were needed to assure their demise. Boras quickly turned to a rival faction for help in what I call the “Trojan Horse” maneuver. Using the guise that Johnny Damon was a valuable asset, and crucial to rival Boston’s success, Boras was able to get the Yankees to sign the aging limp-noodled oft injured center fielder. This created a log jam in the Yankees lineup and allowed Red Sox phenom Jacoby Ellsbury an opening to blossom in.

Once the “Trojan Horse” maneuver was a success his Brascoesque cover was blown, and “Operation Going for the Kill” was doomed to failure. Boras was unable to get the Yankees to sign Barry Zito for 150 million, and was forced to accept only $126 million from the Giants.

This returns us to his present plots and deceptions. The A-Rod waffling was just the tip of the ice berg. Realizing Joba was moving to the starting rotation disallowing Torre the opportunity to blow out his arm, Boras, still using his connections, planted the seed to have Joe fired. This may have back fired on Boras, as his man to supplant Torre was Mattingly, who has secretly harbored ill will towards the Steinbrenner breed since the infamous sideburn incident, which was parodied so well in the Simpsons. With Girardi at the helm Boras had to reach deep into his bag of tricks. I believe he has connections in the IRS, (I mean he’s a guy who handles millions of his own and his clients money wouldn’t you?) and he’s used these connections in an attempt to dethrone Jeter as the King of New York. What depths will this maniacal evil doer go to in order to sink the glorious ship of the New York Yankees? Wait…he got the Red Sox to sign J.D. Drew to a 70 million dollar contract? Guess he's just a greedy bastard....eh I never put much stock into conspiracy theories anyway…

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