House to vote on name of new subpoena strategy

Congress recently subpoenaed former MLB player Chuck Knoblauch. The action was forced, because Chucky would not voluntarily submit himself to testify about his supposed steroid use before Congress. Alas, to the great dismay of the FBI, Chuck was able to avoid being served a subpoena for three whole days, and appeared only to voluntarily accept his invitation to testify before Congress. Thus he negated the need for the subpoena, and forced Congress to retract its order. Many on Capital Hill were astonished by the will Chuck showed in the face of such overwhelming power. Bill “Buckshot” Cooper (R-TX) had this to say, “That there boy is one of the darndest meanest cattle rustlers this side of the Rio Grande. I spent the Gods own daylight writing up that there subpoena, and he pulls the ole’ yankee swap on me!”
The rumored audaciousness of the move made its rounds amongst Congressmen, and in some hallway in some government building in D.C. someone uttered the pun, “Man he really Knoblauched Buckshots subpoena!” Guffaws and knee slaps echoed throughout Washington as the pun spread like wild fire. It became so popular amongst the delegates that it is now up for vote as the official name of the subpoena blocking strategy.
The vote is scheduled for this afternoon when most representatives will be too tired after Turkey Tuesday to concentrate on boring stuff like the economy. Pollsters and analysts believe the bill will pass quite handedly. Most backers feel the same way, Paul Whitney (D-NJ) leads the charge, “C’mon you get it? Knob BLOCKED the subpoena…his name is Knoblauch and he blocked it? C’mon it’s funny right? We don’t get paid enough for this.” The few against the bill are spoken for by Jake Custer (R-CA), “We all know Knoblauch is famous for his mental breakdown and inability to make a throw my 5 year old son can…he can’t have his name associated with anything but utter failure. Whatever I’m just going to add a footnote to the bill that will secretly lower my taxes on my offshore oil holdings it’s cool.”
Chuck was unavailable for comment as he went back into his preKnoblauched hiding…summarily Knoblauching this reporter’s ability to find him.

Share

Close

Delicious  •   Digg  •   StumbleUpon  •   Reddit  •   Newsvine  •   Facebook  •   Google  •   Yahoo  •   Technorati